By Allana Pratt
Have you ever been in a situation where some intense crap is going down yet you choose not to tell the kids?
Or you hear about something at work and you just don't want to bring negative energy into your relationship so you don't share it?
Or even something so fabulous is unfolding yet to keep it to yourself, to protect its pristine unfolding until it reaches critical mass?
How the hell do YOU make that decision... to tell or not to tell?
And how the hell do you keep it inside without it eating you up?
And when you do decide to share, should you choose to, how do you communicate why you kept it hidden all that time, to your loved ones?
This is where I am.
In the past, my newsletter has been 100% transparent, you know EVERYTHING as it's happening, like a consciousness reality show where you learn as I learn, grow as I grow, feel as I feel, and at times, get triggered as I get triggered.
As a leader in personal growth, it is a fine line between what to share to empower you, and what to withhold so as not to bombard you with more than you're already challenged with, while simultaneously being transparent, accessible and real.
For example, with all that's going down in my life, there's a part of me that wanted to invite you all over to my living room, pour you tea or a glass of wine and lay it on the table till 3 in the morning.
Yet today I'm making another choice. I am doing what I tell you to do...
Sit in the fire, expand and feel.
It's wild what I'm seeing.
A part of me wants to share... being totally honest... with some blame and righteousness, making me look good, seeking your approval and agreement... kind of a mob mentality.
Not choosing that.
And so I as I sit in the fire, feel the burning and expand to hold the whole experience... this process ignites in me the Gift of this circumstance... it awakens a Strength, an Awareness and a Discernment for Right Action, not REaction.
It's awakening in me the next level of my intuition, knowing and perceiving for my highest good.
In another example, there's a part of me that wants to share GOOD news too, yet its mixed with private information.... and so this lesson expands me as well... it's not black or white, all or nothing, I can trust myself to share what feels expansive and light, and let what feels private, pristine, precious and too pure for public consumption at this point... I can hold that in my discerning heart.
In fact don't you do this when first dating, navigate these waters of what to tell and what not to tell?
Have you felt the feeling of holding it all in, and then they say you're not interesting or open...
Or you tell them everything and they say you're too dramatic or complicated...
Or... you do as I'm doing and encouraging you to do... sit in the fire... feel into how each present moment choice will expand or contract the possibility of the relationship... and follow the lighter energy... share what feels light...
So my big lesson is to see that in my commitment to authenticity, transparency and openness, in my practice to be positive, cooperative and supportive...I'd shut off my awareness that some people don't choose the level of integrity I do...
...and because I was unwilling to be aware of that, I set myself up for betrayal. Kind of a kumbaya polyanna denial.
I am so thrilled with this insight for I'm unwilling to be a victim and just couldn't see how I was setting myself up! All I had to do was be willing to face my discomfort, feel it, and all my awareness returned.
Sitting in this has awakened a competency, a judgment free capacity to see things as they are, not as I wish they would be...
...and now I can choose what would further All, a calm discernment that I've never known.
So the good news that I'm gloriously grateful to share is that I'm completely in love. Marigold at the Conscious Life Expo over the weekend said I look 10 years younger.
Listen to the interview with Jill of Spiritual Singles in the Intimate Conversations Series to hear how I found him...
The main take away is that I shifted from 'wanting' him to being the space to HAVING him. "I'm having him" I said to myself, as I wrote my profile.
And now I'm allowing myself to have pleasure, support and joy beyond my old walls of comfort or control... all the while simultaneously having awareness of challenging things (can you feel the expansion in both directions?) and I'm willing to sit in the fire and feel it and act from my highest self.
I'm grateful to be able to share this journey with you.
p.s. Ask this question every day until next week's newsletter and let me know what unfolds.... "What would it take for me to have total awareness, choice and possibility for a glorious life of ease and deliciousness?"
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